Blaugust #13: My soccer team

So for the past few months I've been playing soccer on a little league with my boyfriend and a bunch of his friends.  At first, I was extremely nervous and I didn't really want to play.  I felt I wasn't that great and that I didn't really know what I was doing.  So over the course of this tiny league we've been playing with, the man friend and his friends have been giving me pointers and helping me out where it's needed.

Blaugust #12: August... where are you going?

August only just started but I feel like it's absolutely flying by.  This is good and bad for a few reasons.  Good because, well, I'm so tired of working this job that really isn't going anywhere and I'd like to go back to school to get closer to my career.  Anyway, I'm stoked to get back into the class and get back into learning shit that I need to know/am paying to know.

Blaugust #11: That one game you just can't shake

So most of the people I know have that one video game they just can't shake.  No matter what comes up in life, or game wise ... they always find themselves going back to that one game.  Mine is very similar to a large number of other people but it is World of Warcraft.  I have had an account since Vanilla and I quickly got addicted.  Not to the point where I was skipping school/work/social life to get some time in but I definitely spent a lot of my free time in the world of Azeroth.

I played constantly for a few years as Burning Crusade came out and I got really into PVP.  Running battlegrounds like it was NOBODY's business.  I particularly liked Alterac Valley and Arathi Basin.  I had a very detailed strat for AV that I would run daily, a bunch of people from my server knew me by character name and when I'd log on, they'd be messaging me to see if we were going to run a pre-made or not.  This had me very happy to play the game on a daily basis, my presence mattered to a group of people.  This is probably a large reason why Burning Crusade was my favourite expansion.

When I moved away to College, I started working at EB Games and that's when Wrath of the Lich King came out.  I didn't really have much time for WoW at that point, but I did play casually with a group of classmates.  They took the PVP player in me and turned her into a RP player.  I went from running Arathi Basin nightly to raids and questing.  This was much the matter into later expansions while I was just busy with life.  The group of people I hung out with at the time (school, work, etc) all played and we all played as a group.

While I started out as Horde (because, let's be honest, horde fucking kicks ass) the people I started working with at an EB Games in ANOTHER city wanted me to roll alliance, I was curious, as by this time Worgens were released and I really wanted to experience the class.  So I did, I made a few Worgen as well as Draenei.  Eventually though, I made the switch back to Horde, I just couldn't leave my roots behind.

I keep going back for every expansion, and there are moments in time where I really miss it... but with going to University full time and having a SO as well as friends and family, I just don't have the time I use to in order to dedicate to this game that used to be my life.  I will continue to keep up to date with the game and the lore itself but there are limits.  I will put my school life and social life before the game.  I'm not saying that those who play don't do that, I am just saying that I don't have time.

World of Warcraft will always be my favourite game, hands down... I just wish I had more time.  Do you guys have a game you just can't walk away from?  Something you've invested so much time in that keeps drawing you back, no matter how much time has passed?

Blaugust #10: C-c-changes (Photo heavy)

I've had my fair share of hair styles.  I get pretty bored of my hair after a set amount of time and feel that I need to switch things up.  That being said, I've had many different looks and I plan on having many more.  This weekend, I plan on changing things up once again only this time, I'm doing everything on my own.  I hope it goes well.

It wasn't until I was a little older (past high school) where I dared to actually do something interesting with my hair.  You know, try a color that you don't necessarily see every day... pinks, blues, greens, etc.  I truly feel that hair style/color is an amazing way to express myself and I'm probably going to be that way until I die.

That being said I just wanted to share a few photos of my "past looks" and maybe a few thoughts.  Because well, why not :P.

This is a staple in my hair life.  This is pretty much what it looked like from a young age all through high school.  The only thing that changed about this is the shade, really.  Darker browns to shades of red... but this was the general hair cut I chose to stick with.  It was safe, I knew it worked so "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Blaugust #9: Unfinished/broken websites /Rant

Anyone find something they really want to buy online just to authorize payment and have the website break on them?  That's been happening to me for about 2 days now.  First world problems, yes I know, but what else do I write about!?!  Anyway, I found this nice laptop case online for the school year so that my brand new laptop doesn't get beaten up in my backpack.  It's all girly and has Totoro just chillen' on it.  Awesome.  It's also pretty inexpensive and the feedback on this particular seller is fantastic.  Yay.

The issue I'm currently having is that when I go to pay, I enter all of my information and then it brings my to this "rpotected by visa" webpage or some bullshit.  Basically I have to enter some pre-determined password that I've never even seen in my entire life.  Yeah, no idea.  When I go to "forgot password" it times out and gives me this weird ass error code.  Not even a message, just a code.

This website needs to understand, I'm trying to buy the cheap shit they sell.. I just can't, because the website is broken.  Generally when I come across these things online, I can't help but think to myself, wtf it's 2015... get with it and fix your shit.

And that, was a rant.

Blaugust #8: Travel

How many of you have the travel bug?  The incessant urge to go somewhere you've never been before and experience things you wouldn't normally.  I'm one of those people.  If I had enough money, I'd be constantly traveling without stopping.  I have so many big plans when it comes to places I'd like to visit before I die.

One of the places I want to visit the most is Japan.  I'm not sure exactly which city in Japan just yet, maybe I'll do a tour of Japan.  There are just so many things I want to experience there, cat cafes, fox island, bunny island, night life cultures, the fresh ass food, the shopping.. oh god the shopping.  I want to wander the streets and just observe the fashion there.  I've already started learning some phrases that may be important on my journey.

And another place I'd love to travel to is Britain as a whole.  I'm kind of hoping I can do my third year of studies in Leeds, but I'm not sure that's shaping up to be a proper plan or not.  It's kind of expensive right now aha. Either way I will apply and plan for it and cross my fingers that I get bursaries and just random ass money to be able to do it.

While there though, I'd love to visit Scotland and Ireland obviously.  Weekends and school breaks I'd love to go to Italy, and Paris.  I feel like living in England would be the perfect opportunity to get a ton of traveling done.  And I know that ultimately, I don't really want to live here for the rest of my life.  I'd like to go somewhere, but I'm not sure where yet.  We'll figure that out.

Blaugust #7: All about tattoos.. and stuff

So tattoos are growing ever more popular among people these days, and much more accepted by the general population.  I myself, absolutely love them.  SOME of mine were a bit painful and it's debatable as to whether the pain was worth it or not :P.  Anywhoozle, I have a number of them myself and it all started when I turned 16 years old.  My dad brought me to a tattoo parlor back home as a birthday gift to welcome me into adulthood.  And since then, I've been crazy about body art.

The next one was a set of stars on my hips at 19 when I moved away to College.  Jeebus cripes was that ever painful, and I don't plan to ever get that area worked on ever again.  NO THANK YOU.  And after that, I got a Nintendo controller on my left shoulder.  It was my favorite piece for a long time, and didn't take long at all.  I got that in my college city just as I was about to move back to my parents city for a year.

NEXT, was "Papa" on my wrist while I was living at home again for that year.  Not painful, didn't take long at all.  And then my triforce on the back of my neck the day before my best friends wedding.  Again, minimal pain and didn't take long what so ever.

Pictured above is my most recent tattoo.  It is the first piece of a set that I got started at the end of April of this year.  It's Jack Skellington of A Nightmare Before Christmas and obviously, if you haven't guessed by now, the second piece is going to be Sally from the same series.  This one took three sittings, the first was just about 2 and a half hours, the second only one hour (no idea why I was in so much pain for that sitting) and finally, the last sitting was today.  It was only an hour again but it's all finished!

Once I'm able to take the bandage off, I plan on sharing the sexiness with you guys, obviously.  I have plans for my NEXT tattoo once this series is done, but I'm still unsure if that's going to happen yet or not.  Placement and the specifics.  We'll see!  Either way, I'm far from done at this point.

Do you guys have any tattoos?  Which is your favorite?  Any interesting stories about when you got them.

Blaugust #6: Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday is a theme often used in Social Media.  Whether it be Instagram, Twitter or even blogs (I guess, or so my research has told me).  Generally I don't put much thought into it, well, because I only follow the theme with my Instagram account.  How much of a story are people ACTUALLY going to read under a photo?  Not much.  So here we go, my first Throwback Thursday of the month.

My family on my mother's side is French.  Franco-Ontarien to be exact.  We're the typical french family from Ontario.  We are large in numbers and, back in the day, we used to all hang out quite often.  During the winter (which was often brutal by the way) we'd all go to the cottage on the lake for some camping, bonding and good old ice fishing.  My dad, grandfather and uncles are all super huge fishermen and by extension so are their wives.

I don't recall exactly how young I was this particular camping trip but I was PROBABLY about 8-10 but my family would drill numerous holes in the ice forming a number of rows we could easily keep an eye on.  Think of how the number six is arranged on a dice, basically that.

Anyway, we were about ready to head back to camp at the end of the day and my older brother was going around covering up the holes we had dug.  I don't really know why he did it to be honest, he was probably just being a little shit.  But I was running to my dad to tell him something I'm sure that I thought was crazy fucking important to my tiny self, and I didn't see one of the holes my brother covered so naturally I fell in.

The manner in which I fell in was extremely lucky though, I only really fell in with one foot, and the other leg was keeping me from completely slipping under the ice.  I was soaked and shocked, and I believe I cried my ass off (remember, it's winter and shit's cold up here in Northern Ontario Canadaland).  My parents yelled at my brother for ages.  And that's why I don't go ice fishing anymore ;P

Blaugust #5: Gone Girl thoughts ~SPOILERS~

So I'm finally catching up to the real world and watching the film "Gone Girl" tonight.  I have my new laptop beside me, setting up a brand new version of Windows 10 and I'm watching this movie that claims to be a "psychological thriller".  I mean, TO BE TECHNICAL, I'm still watching it.  I haven't heard much before this moment other than people seemed to enjoy it, so going into this (the first ten minutes) I expected some happy go lucky life story about some poor woman who went missing.  Let me just warn you of spoilers now!  If you haven't seen the movie, stop reading, go watch it, and come back :P.

The story had me believe that they were actually this ridiculously happy couple.  It wasn't until I met his mistress where I started to double back on the story and rethink the entire story presented so far.  At first, when she was presented, I was pissed.  What a scumbag, how could you cheat on a wife that loves you so much she moves across the country for you and your sick mom.  The questions began about why would he murder his wife if he's the one cheating, what is the motive?

Then the story took the turn showing us her side.  I realized maybe everything isn't what it's meant to seem.  That maybe I should really look into both sides of the story before I make my decisions on the topic.  Oh how quick humans are to judge!  My mind is doing flips at this point, do I side with the husband or do I side with the wife?  I mean, the way she's "getting back" at him is a little fucked up... he deserves to get called out for his shit but to set him up for murder?  That's a bit crazy, lady.

Her in the motel and getting robbed by that little "friend" of hers... two wrongs don't make a right, and I've always believed that.  Just because someone has wronged you, doesn't mean you should go out of your way to make someone else suffer.  He cheated, and she's trying to make him suffer.  It's karma, he would have had it coming eventually.  She took it in to her own hands and made herself vulnerable.  Bad move IMHO.

And finally her taking advantage of that one creepy ex (played by Neil Patrick Harris) again proves that she's fucking cray cray.  I'm really not certain at which point this movie had me face palming, shaking my head and covering my eyes out of shame.  I just, couldn't with the second half of this movie.  Still had me going though, props.

Blaugust #4: Earliest Gaming Memories

I'm not 100% certain on exactly what I'd like to jot down today, so I thought why not talk about the thing I enjoy most in my free time: Video Games!  And we all have to start somewhere, right?  So I'm going to vaguely share my earliest memories with you and all that fun stuffs.  Enjoy? :D

I can't remember exactly what age I was, but when I was very young, my family owned a regular nintendo.  I remember because every time I wanted to play any kind of video game, we had to try 4-5 times to get the game to actually start to the title screen, and a few more to play the game itself.  I started with Mario and Duck Hunt, and as I grew older we got a Super Nintendo.

When I think about playing video games on the Super Nintendo, I think of a handful of games.  Spiderman, Battle Toads, Earthbound, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Lion King.  Most notable really was Earthbound, because every day after class my brother and I would race home straight off the bus to see who got to play first.  The other would have to watch until it was their turn.

Again as we grew older, we got a Nintendo 64 for Christmas.  We were ecstatic!  We got The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Golden Eye 007, and Duke Nukem: Zero Hour.  No lies, I remember listening to Britney Spears first CD as I watched my brother kill pigs and rescue strippers.  Good childhood :P

Eventually, I graduated to World of Warcraft (last year of high school). I never really managed to create a character and level them up successfully until I got my own account, and my own computer at home.  Then the real addiction started for a solid number of years.  I go back every now and then when I want to nostalgia... but yeah.  Video games.

Sorry I can't really sentence tonight, I feel like my brain is fried.  What's your most cherished video game memory from your childhood?

Blaugust #3: Motivation Monday - The Gym

I would say I'm in fairly decent shape.  I always have been, really. But for the longest time I wanted to actively take care of my body.  Control how I feel after climbing a set of stairs.  Instead of being out of breath and gasping for air, I want to be able to take on more without putting my body through  stress and stopping for a 10 minute break.

My biggest issue was that I just didn't know where to get started.  Every time I told myself I would look further into it and educate myself (there are a large number of resources online that are there to help you begin your journey), I found myself discouraged and unable to grasp basic concepts.  The trouble was, I really needed someone to walk me through exercises, tell me what I'm doing right or what I need to change to see results.

The trouble with THAT was that every time someone offered to be my "gym buddy", I'd get extremely ashamed at the fact that I'm so new to the hobby that I'd back out at the last second.  Finally, I found someone I was comfortable going with.  Someone that I felt wouldn't judge me despite how much of a noob I clearly am.  Being the person that I am, when I was told I was doing something wrong I got frustrated, angry with myself that I could screw something up that I thought to be so simple.

I started out with really light weights, thinking that I was this extremely weak little girl because I could barely lift 10 pound weights per hand.  But I've doubled that in only a few months and I continue to grow every week I go back.  I've seen so much progress in my body, in my strength and in my endurance, all things I'm amazed I even had in me.  I've been noticing definition in places I never thought existed before, and even when I move my arms in the right direction my biceps want to say "haaaaay".

I by no means want to be in competitions or shows to demonstrate how much I can lift, I really just want to feel better about myself.  I want to be happy with the body that I'm in.  I want to be able to do something with my down time instead of just sitting around twiddling my thumbs wondering why I can only run for 10 seconds without getting winded.  I've started my journey to that happy place and I couldn't be any happier.

The next part of my journey is my diet.  Not the "I'm going on a diet to lose 10 pounds" diet, just monitoring my daily intake.  I want to cut out the stuff that's really bad for me.  It's going to be difficult, because that means cutting back on things like bacon... boy do I ever love bacon... I mean, I could actually get married to bacon.  It's going to be terrible, but I believe in myself.

I've thought about posting progress photos, to better document how I'm doing and show you guys the type of journey I'm on... but I'm just not too sure about that yet.  We'll see how I feel once I've moved into my new place.  That being said, I'm sore and tired from the gym today ;P

What's your favorite way to be active, may it be a sport, going to the gym, running, etc?  What got you in to it?

Blaugust #2: My journey to becoming a planner addict.

For those of you who just recently tuned in and don't know me that well yet, I started University last September in order to move forward in life and begin building a career for myself.  At the start, I didn't find my experience to be that great.  I didn't quite know what I was about to get myself into and I didn't know how to proceed with all this new information being thrown at me.

Blaugust #1: GTA V and my thoughts surrounding the game.

I'm not sure if many of you have tuned in to my streams in the past or not, but if you have, you may have heard me talk about my dislike of realistic/violent video games at one point or another.  I'm not a huge fan of games that in a realistic setting causing hard to innocent people (bystanders, civilians, etc.)  That being said, for the longest time I refused to play games such as Grand Theft Auto, Call of Duty, Battlefield and the like.  When I worked at a video game store, I would be extremely blunt with children's parents about these games and their contents.  I was that store clerk that ruined the games for so many kids, and I loved that part of my job the most.

I'd played a good number of these games and I just didn't agree with the fact that they're not separating these violent acts/events from reality.  They're launching these ideas in such a realistic setting that there are people who take the plots a little too seriously.  That being said, video games like Gears of War, Halo, and the like are games that I don't mind playing.  They are clearly fantasy games where we have to defeats aliens to protect our own.

All of this being said... I purchased GTA V not long ago as it was on sale and I had a coupon.  I figured, if I was going to spend money on this game to stream it, I wouldn't spend much.  I started seriously playing it the other day and I'm pretty much hooked.  I can go out, steal some guys car, and as long as I put it in my garage, it's mine.  No matter what, I'm always left wanting more.  The recklessness in the driving of any vehicle, the fact that I can damage my car beyond repair, and the next time I bring it to my garage it's miraculously fixed.

The online missions are pretty fun as well.  I haven't really participated in a Heist as of yet, but that's coming.. don't you worry.  I think that currently, my biggest gripe with the game (online PC) would be the amount of hackers that come around to fuck things up.  I'm not sure I'd call them hackers, more like script kiddies looking for a cheap thrill.

Overall, while I'm still upset with myself for enjoying a game with so much realistic violence and the like, I have to appreciate the game for what it is.  It's an easy way to entertain myself, and feel like I can actually afford nice things!  If you're interested in checking it out, I'd recommend watching Twitch streams on it.  You can even stop by my channel to check me out if I'm online!

That's all for me for today folks!  What did you think of GTA V if you've played it yet?  What system do you own it for and are you happy with that choice?  Until tomorrow!

This is important...

There are a few things I want to get off my chest guys, and I appreciate in advance, those of you who get through the entire post.  This may be triggering for some people, so please proceed to read at your own discretion.  If anything, please just read the last paragraph or two.

Over the past few weeks, there have been an alarming number of suicides in my city.  To be honest, one is way too many in my opinion.  But two within a week and a half, is alarming.  Now, I don't know specifics as I do not know these people further than their facebook profiles and kind words their friends and family have been saying about them.

My heart is breaking, for their friends, for their family... but most of all, for them.  As much as I try, I can't imagine what was going through their mind leading to that point.  I can't imagine how alone they felt, or how low they felt that they just wanted to end it.  And my mind is reeling, because as much as someone can appear to be OK on the outside, it's what's going on inside their mind that counts.

Despite the fact that I didn't know them, I wish I could have helped somehow.  Unfortunately that's not possible at this point.  For those who are gone already, I'll just hope that they're at peace and their loved ones are OK.

That being said, I feel like there needs to be more discussion about suicide.  About how many resources there are available to those who feel so lost, overwhelmed, finished.  How there are people who do care about what they're going through, and that they'll get through it.

My boss was talking to us today about how she was recently at a seminar based around things like this.  About how when someone takes such a drastic step, it can have lasting effects on people they know, or even people that didn't know them.  Some say that suicide is a contagion, that when one person is successful, those around them that are thinking about it tend to attempt it as well.

I don't really have a point to this entry, I just wanted to get a bunch of my thoughts down to hopefully clear my mind.  But what I want you guys to take away from this is this:

Who ever you may be to me, whether you're my friend, my family, a twitch viewer, a random twitter follower, or whatever... if you know me or not, it doesn't matter.  If you need someone to talk to, someone who will just be there to listen, I'm here.  Always.  It can be about anything, whether you want my advice or not, I care.  I want to help as much as I can.  I want you to wake up tomorrow and take that step toward feeling OK.  And if I can do anything remotely close to helpful, I will do it.

You matter, your life matters, and I care about you.

If you need to reach out, please.. PLEASE do.

http://lifelineforattemptsurvivors.org/
1-800-273-TALK (8255)

http://www.imalive.org

https://www.7cupsoftea.com

On streaming and stuff.

I have a difficult time trying to organize my thoughts properly, so I'm just going to write and pray that it all makes sense.  Since I started streaming, I've loved every minute of it.  The friends I've made, the viewers that join my streams and the trolls I get as well.  It's all been such an amazing experience that I wish I could just do full time.

Unfortunately the reality is that I have a billion responsibilities.  I'm in University full time, trying to get top grades and that requires a lot of time and effort.  I've tried balancing the two but I'm so drained lately, that I just don't know what to do with myself.  That being said I don't want to completely abandon you guys.  So for the time being, I'm putting my streaming on hold.  I know this doesn't effect many people, but for those of you who will miss the streams: I'm sorry.  When I have more time to make it a great experience again, I'd love to come back to that.

That being said, I don't want to give up making YouTube videos.  I know I haven't posted anything since Boston, but that's because I've been trying to avoid the obvious.  My schedule just isn't working right now.  But I will still be posting content to my channel, video games included.  I will keep my twitter and facebook active as well, I'm not quitting, I'm just trying to be more realistic about the things I can accomplish.

I feel like I'm explaining a divorce to my children lol.  Mommy and daddy still love you VERY MUCH.  It's not that big of a deal, I just felt the need to explain to you guys that I don't hate streaming, I just don't have the time or energy for it at the moment and I hate that.

Either way, I still love your faces and I still want to be besties.  K?!  K!

My Experience With Anxiety

So life's been extremely busy, things have happened, and in the end it makes me want to rant a little about life and my experiences with anxiety and how I struggle with it.  This may turn out to be a lengthy post, and I apologize if it is, but I appreciate you taking the time to read this.